1. "...the best words in the best order"-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

2. Memory Poem
imagery and metaphors

Being a kid I really didn’t want to do that but had to any way
took them from me and showed me what’s in side
gives me a stern look and says be carful, very carful
unveiled his collection to me and gave me the comic on the top
A thin book with a picture of a man with claws on the front of it and on the top it said Wolverine
my eyes catch anther thin book that had a bright red cape
I only new a few characters and my young mind thought it was superman
+ Good descriptions that describe the situation
+ Understandable
? Where are the metaphors?



3. Ode To Death

On the days I sit alone
Stare at our room
I remember how close we were
I visit you every day
And lay with you every day
Some times you come back and visit me
You come with the clocked man
Walk up and walk with me down to the house
You dance around and I dance with you
We hold each other close
Your soft skin feels the same way as it did
I can smell your perfume
This was the one I gave you
The clocked man gives me a look
You can only stay but for so long
I give you one last kiss and the clocked man will take you
He nods to me and I thank him for what he has done
They walk off into the night
Back down to were they belong
On the days I sit alone
Stare at our room
I remember how close we were
And I remember the day you visit me with the dark clocked man

Dakota
+imagery
+carrying the first lines to the bottom lines
+Senses
?Could you use more metaphors?
?Can you use more senses?
?It sounds like it is about a person. Could put the person's name in it somewhere?


4. Found Poem

Like Something Else
Merrik Saunders

Lets expand on that
Who you call'n pin head
As I abandon my disguise ad become my true self
Im going to tell the invincible man someone planes to kill him
Will you shut up
A foreign explode
Like hell
What will come of us at the end
Well your on your own tonight
If im going to feel like im drunk i at least want the enjoyment of doing it


5. I Was Raised By Poem

Shown By the night
The dark corners "Will you show your self"
The silent predator "Don't let him get you"
The silent take down "Were did he go"
The explosive blow "Back to back"
The last stand "I'm all alone"
The crushing fear of being alone "..."

Shown by the justice
The high skies "look who it is"
The blur of imagination "Was that him"
The temptation "I'll throw her off"
The easy kill "Were are they"
The pending decision "Just let her go"
The leap of faith "AAAHHHaaahhh"
The final blow "You will pay for this"
The close call "Thank you"
The forever thanks "Just doing my job"

Shown by the blood
The corner of the junkies "Hey Al"
The bad ass thugs "Lets get em"
The killer instinct "clank"
The suite comes alive "The hell is this"
The dark destroyer "Hello"
The stupid mistake "Just like that, right in half"
The one who tried "You think you could hurt me"
The punctured cranium "Holy crap"
The hesitant praise "Thank you but did you have to do that"
The unbearable truth "They would have done that to you"

+Its an interesting twist. I really like what you did there with the comic books.
+You gave it a neat structure that I havent seen used before
+It has a power behind it when you read it that kind of throws you off. I like that.
?Maybe you could clarify at the end and just say I was raised by my heros or comic books.
?You could put colens after your "Shown by..." lines to clarify it just a little like this "Shown by the blood:"

+I liked how you had a quote in every line
?give it it a happy ending :)


6.

7. Imagist Poem

The Grey Beast Stands Tall
It looks at me and i look back
I can only stare at one pair of eyes
Since it has 10 eyes and 5 heads to go with it
it has all its mouths open, growling to the world
Its two hands raised in the air
Ready to attack its prey
It spreads its wings
and every head comes down to strike
until its prey is dead

+ Nice descriptions
+ I like how you are in the poem -- want to give us more about you in this moment?
?Want to give this a title?
? Can you add more to give us multiple ways of looking at or thinking about this thing?

8. The Poet I am doing is
Charles Bukowski

Detailed Study Of Charles Bukowski
Merrik Saunders

One of the things that Charles Bukowski does that is interesting is he takes an every day thing that happens and zones in on it. Also the things he picks are small things that happen but have a big impact. All of the poems that I have read by him so far have done this. There is a poem that Bukowski wrote that is called “2 Flies” about two flies that are bothering a guy. Everyone has been through this when some type of insect has annoyed you so much that you end up getting really angry. These are lines from the poem “until / some man-thing / in me / will take no more / unholiness / and I strike” In this part of the poem the flies have annoyed the person so much that he has tried to kill one of the flies. The way he describes this scene is not how most people would see themselves when they kill a fly. The line “some man-thing” is seen as a savage way to describe something. Hear it is used to describe a simple act that everyone does. Anger is a common emotion and used well to show another side of a simple thing.
Another thing Bukowski does well is at the end of every poem I have read there has been a random ending. At first I didn’t get at all then I saw it had a bigger meaning. There is a poem called “16-bit Intel 8088 chip” by Bukowski that is about technology and how certain thing can’t work with other programs. The last three lines are “the turkey buzzard struts and / flounces before his / hens” That has absolutely nothing to do with any aspect of technology. If you really think about it he may be saying that life will go on with all the tech problems. Nature isn’t affected by whatever we are worried about. Also if something doesn’t work right for us then it just might stop working and we can’t get done what we needed to be done. It is so easy for our world to fall apart but the rest of the world will keep on going like normal.
In some of Bukowski’s poems they usually take a turn. In this one called “And The Moon And The Stars And The World” things take a turn for the worst. This is a poem about a person taking a nice walk at night. It even “says that's what good for the soul” but the other four lines say otherwise. “peeking into windows / watching tired housewives / trying to fight off / their beer-maddened husbands” How is seeing someone being beaten good for the soul? For me it seemed Bukowski was saying that these things happen all the time. Sadly in certain places if you just happen to look into someone’s house domestic violence could be happening and you can do nothing about it.