"Poetry...is...a speaking picture, with this end: to teach and delight." - Sir Philip Sydney

Rough Draft Memory Poem( Imagery and Repetition)

"Rose we have to go we can not be late today".
cross-legged in front of my door crumpled up to tie my shoe
Shoe tied
Costume ready
Christmas time
Annual Christmas play
first year Sheppard.
No more sheep ears and black makeup on my nose.
Rose Knibbe is better
itchy scarves wrapped tightly around my neck.
looked the part but stopped feeling the part.
to hot
Sick to my stomach
tried to calm it, wouldn't listen
finally time
big performance
walked sheep down the middle row perfectly
grownups ooing and awing.
time to sing “Away in a Manger”
I knew the words
it was my favorite song
but the temperature got hotter and hotter
my stomach was shaky more and more
I looked in panic trying to find my mom
I couldn’t find her
next thing
throw up in front of everyone
rushed downstairs
cleaned me up
brought me home
I guess I’m going to need to wait for next year to have a great performance.

+ I really could visualize what was going on
+ It was like I was reading a story
? Can u add a little bit more to what exactly happened at the end?

Ode to my goldfish (Rollo)

I picked you out
Winter cold
Freezing night
You stuck out to me
Your beauty from a crowd of nobodies
They took you out
Put you in your own travel bag
I looked at you
Made sure you were healthy
You weren’t
Tattered and worn from the bullies in the tank
They bite at you
They took off your scales
I knew you were going to be better off with me
You were gonna be safe
Clean and unabused

+ Emotions go from sadness to hope
+ Nice flow
- Maybe change some nouns to metaphors
Found poem: Variations

can i have a piece of
dream variations
its like a game
people tell stories in different ways
its opposite
two seperate peoples dreams that connect
get rich or die trying
is this it
come on
im done

Ellen To:
+ Dreams are all different.
+Nice idea with the peoples connecting.
- The last part is a little confusing.
is this it
come on
im done

I was raised by poem:

I was raised by
Coffee breathe smelling
Picture book reading
Spaghetti tasting
Crazy story telling
“don’t forget to clean that mess up” saying
kind of Love

I was raised by
Play-mobile life plotting
Uncontrollable laughing
hand holding
beanie baby flying
guitar strumming
“you’re an odd one rosie dear” saying
kind of Love

I was raised by
cross stitching
board game winning
wild dancing
Crazy music playing
Elephant walking
“you’re my favorite youngest daughter” saying
kind of Love

+the repetition and the style works
+ your environment with the people
+ quotes described you
-change the way you say kind of love at the end of each stanza switch it around a little
- add some of the 5 sences

Riff Poem:
With a line from: Sharon Olds

In the shock of the moment she learned me
Found me out
Learned my inner most devil
Who I was alone
The person I struggle to hide

I was no longer the perfect person she knew
No longer only joyful and simple
She saw my weakness at it’s worst

How could I have been so foolish?
So mislead in my own forgetfulness
My guard was down
And my sorrow was seen

What will she do when she sees me now
Will she run and hide
Scared of the person she saw?
Or will she embrace me
Tell me that everyone hurts
and that everyone breaks

Will this be a start of a deeper relationship
growing in each others faults
taking off of each other
learning from each others mistakes
Or would this be the end
the end of who we were
the times we had

+flow is good
+words go together nicely
+more repition?
+great use of metaphors?

Imagery Poem:

Hot to the touch
silver and squared
attached to the stiff tan fabric
Burning my hand as I try to be safe
“Safety click?”

Teige Feedback- I like the way you describe the touch, the sound, and the feeling of security that it provides. One thing I think would be cool is if you put in something about what it looks like to link in the sight part of imagery.

Poet: Naomi Shihab Nye